Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize