where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
