I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we're so committed to being not committed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize