if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
