i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
