So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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