Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
