If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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