Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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