You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
