just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
