"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
