The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
