I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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