so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
