I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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