I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
