its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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