2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
