dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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