nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
