If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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