you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
