The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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