I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize