thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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