Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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