We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize