# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
