stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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