so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
