So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
