i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
