I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
