It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I deserve this hangover.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
