sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
