uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
