Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
