anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
