You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
