Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize