So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
