Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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