Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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