I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
