take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
