in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
