Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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