I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
