If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
