dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
