Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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