I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
