We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
