The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
