Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
