you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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