so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
