I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's not a walk of shame if you run
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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