I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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