i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
