So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
