hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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