I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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