She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
