I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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