will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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