I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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