Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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